Sunday, January 02, 2022
an update after more than a year
Wow.
I guess I thought I'd update this to explain things better after "the incident", but that's not going to happen now, especially that I've fully moved on from that since I last wrote in this blog.
I've fully gone back to regularly watching AH (and FH) too. I mean, not as much as I used to, to be honest, but at least not in a way that triggers a certain unwanted and unpleasant emotion from me. It took another fandom for me to be able to trust again, as silly as that sounds.
God, not to mention V6 disbanding last year. Who fucking knew, right? 2020 me was so naive.
Anyway.
I want to bring back the enthusiasm I had before it all went to shit in 2020 (and to a lesser degree in 2021), so after this post, I'm reposting my Johnny's history here since it also lays out how I got into Snow Man.
Yep, you read that right. 2015 me would be surprised that five years later, I'd ultimately be into Snow Man too. XD
But I don't regret it. It's been such a fun ride so far. :D
The Johnny's history post is also a way of me admitting that I am, after all, a janiwota by heart. XD
So yeah. Lots of things happened. I guess I also forayed into translating somehow? Like, I can call myself a "translator" now. Weird. It's not something I expected to be known for when I started in this fandom, but at least this way, I'm forced to learn, read, listen and speak Japanese. Thank you, Abe, for being the intelligent overachiever that you are. Who knew an idol would again inspire me to study this language I'd avoided for so long? It's okay, I'm happier for it (even if I have bouts of impostor syndrome a lot of the times).
Also, I've written 8 Snow Man fics last year. JUST IN THE LAST FUCKING YEAR. Like how? And I wrote my longest fic so far at 23k words. And have written long ones, nothing shorter than 3000 words. Like what the fuck? WHO AM I?! There are a lot of things I've managed to do since November 2020, the last post in this blog, that I never imagined I would be doing then.
But like I said, it's fine because I've been happier for it. Even if I still hide from Twitter after posting shit. Post and run. XD
I also started another server in Discord after the disastrous incident of 2019 because it's for Abe-tans like me and honestly, the things I do for this man. He better repay me somehow 😤 (jk).
But man, it's already 2022 and I still can't go to Japan. >:\
Y'all better get your shit together in 2022, world. Else I'd riot.
Anyway, this was meant to be just a short update but as usual, I'm rambling again. That hasn't changed, lol. I also haven't slept since 9pm last night and it's already noon here, so. I need to sleep.
Good night. XD
I'll do the Johnny's history post later today if I remember. ;)
"I'm glad I met you" @ 12:03 PM |
Tuesday, November 17, 2020
something to say for now
Well, shit.
The past two entries don't look too good now, do they?
I don't know what to do with them.
Though I still wish things were different.
I thought I had enough time to process it, but turns out, a month isn't enough yet.
I'll write again when I feel like it.
For the time being, those two posts were written before all went to shit, so please don't use them against me. I didn't know either.
Hoping everyone who has been affected will be healed. Myself included. In due time.
"I'm glad I met you" @ 2:26 AM |
Sunday, September 27, 2020
two months later
(Shit, why does time fly so fast)I know, I did mean to post about my second Galaxycon experience last August.
And I know, I still mean to post about RTX 2020 as well (aka RTX at Home!) but I don't have the brain capacity to do that now, and I certainly don't want to do it before I write about Galaxycon first.
But what I do want to write about is this:
This past week has been so rough on my poor little old fangirl heart.
BECAUSE APPARENTLY TWO OF MY ULTS HAVE IT OUT FOR ME.
Read more »
"I'm glad I met you" @ 10:15 PM |
Tuesday, July 21, 2020
i still can't believe it
So, I haven't done a proper post in a while (= "this year", as my pattern of behavior suggests), nor have I done a proper fangirling post in a while—it's usually about what I've discovered about myself or unnecessary gloating, lol—so it's probably time, right? Did y'all miss this? XD
If you've noticed, I've been into YouTubers for a while now (since 2014, damn) and I've watched many groups and solo Let's Players within that time frame: WLTP, Game Grumps, Markiplier and JackSepticEye to name a few but my main fandom has been Achievement Hunter for about four years now? I've also discovered a lot of content creators since then but AH has been what I watch regularly for this long.
As far as fan experiences go, AH has been pretty an all-inclusive one for me. It reminds me of the fandoms I'd been in when I was a lot younger, because somehow I feel like I belong (not always the case, but that's a different matter altogether). I've met a lot of like-minded people, "fanservice" isn't as hard to get (I've gotten shout-outs, retweets, likes, etc.), and fanworks are usually encouraged. I mean, BoRhap might be what brought me back to fanfic writing, but because my exposure to AH has been constant, writing isn't that far off from what I can do as a fan. I've also attended RTX not a year even into the fandom but to be honest that's one of the best experiences I've had as a fan in general. I'd love to go back again soon, notwithstanding this stupid pandemic. But I digress.
During RTX, I wasn't able to meet an Achievement Hunter. The closest I could get to meet was Ray, a former member of AH. That doesn't count anymore but it was still bizarre to meet someone whose content I watch a lot on a regular basis, in and out of AH. Yes, I still watch his archived streams (I rarely watch streams in general anyway) as he is still entertaining to me.
Despite that, I did watch a lot of AH panels back then: the AH panel, Theater Mode, H&H/T&C, Relationship Goals (man, that's how you know how long it has been), AH Post Prod Team panel (Trevor was still in that panel I believe!) but other than that, I hadn't actually met anyone from AH yet. Understandable, since AH, as I've put it, are the absolute rock stars of that convention and there's NO WAY I could even get an ambush M&G with any of them since they're so busy during RTX. (Though I remember during TM, I was about to buy a beer for myself and I saw someone ambush Geoff and Millie in the lobby of the theater, but I didn't want to subject the poor girl to more torture.)
So, I'd never met anyone from AH. UNTIL LAST FRIDAY.
Read more »
"I'm glad I met you" @ 12:38 AM |
Tuesday, January 22, 2019
maybe i'm aromantic
It's funny how this blog has become some sort of a secret depository of facts about me that I'm afraid to share with anyone in my life. I mean, it's not completely hidden—it's still linked to my Facebook and one of my Twitter accounts—so I do have the risk of people who know this exists (or happen to stumble upon my profile accidentally) reading it, but
eh, I guess whoever reads this deserves to know.
The title says it all,
I think I'm aromantic.
I've been thinking about this for quite a while now, starting probably a year or two ago. And it sparked my interest intermittently because at first, all what had been swirling in my thoughts was: Why am I so bad at romantic interactions?
It has happened before. I've gotten flirty messages and exchanges here and there, but it never goes anywhere. So my natural reaction to this is: Am I not good enough? Maybe, but there's also a thing where I'm super socially awkward and anxious (
which I also discovered around this time) that those feelings bothered me more than my lack of romantic socialization skills.
Despite that, I never really bothered to do any readings or research about being aromantic, because, like I said, being socially anxious was something that I'd latched onto. Social anxiety became a banner representing my life because for the first time, it completely explained my problems that had its roots back when I was younger. I've always had it, and yet no one bothered to explain it to me until I heard Arin talk about it.
And then flash forward to today. What led me to finally do some research is the Queen fandom, where everyone is basically open with their sexuality (or lack thereof, objectively) and freely expresses it when there's opportunity. While I've never talked about it in public, or my Tumblr blog where I do most of my Queen fangirling, I've met a wonderful group of people where I felt comfortable discussing these things.
It's weird. They're literally a group of strangers more than a month ago. But now, I've shared thoughts and feelings with them like they're old friends.
But I digress. Because I have such a support group, I've become open about my sexuality with them (not saying it here because it's unimportant to the topic at hand), and one day, I read about being aromantic and then I had to tell them.
They were all incredibly supportive—which made me love them even more—and that's why I'm here.
Someone from that same group asked me what being aromantic means. According to
AVENwiki:
An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. Where romantic people have an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships.
...which perfectly summarizes my current state of social being. I don't seek out romantic relationships (not
anymore, at least), and friendships and family relationships suffice for any social interaction I might require.
Now, I don't think I've always been this way, and I've come a long way since my hopeless romantic days, so maybe it's born out of experiences (or lack thereof) over the last few years. And that's fine! Maybe it fluctuates, I'm not sure either.
That said, I don't think I'm asexual. Maybe I am to a certain point, but I still experience attraction just like any other person, perhaps just not romantically.
It's also important to point out that the above-mentioned wiki says that aromantics can also have any sexual orientation, so yeah. About that, well, you'll have to ask me in person. ;)
There are also a few posts on Tumblr that a friend linked me to that are quite important to the discourse, I think.
Let's Talk about Aromanticism
I'm the dog: an aromantic love story
Amatonormativity - which says that society imposes romantic love is essential in someone's life and
I FUCKING HATE THAT SHIT
The first post also says that there are kinds of aromantics, a spectrum, and I identify with two in particular:
Recipromantic: only feeling romantic attraction when you know the person is attracted to you
Lithromantic/Akoiromantic: experiencing romantic attraction without desire for reciprocation
No words will ever describe the amount of expletives I said when I read these, especially the second one. IT FUCKING EXPLAINS MY DESIRE FOR UNREQUITED LOVE, Y'ALL.
...aaand I think I'll leave it there.
I mean, it's good. I don't feel obligated to search for any romantic relationships, because that shit causes more stress in my life than anything else. Maybe it'll change someday, who knows. But for now, I'm glad I learned this about myself.
EDIT: I also found out (you would too if you clicked one of the links) that
the aromantic flag is green. And I've been obsessed with green for the past six years, mainly because of fangirl reasons—it even overlaps at least two fandoms—and while that's obviously a coincidence, I'd like to think it was connected somehow. Like,
shit.
"I'm glad I met you" @ 4:07 AM |
